Sorry it's been awhile since I have blogged. I have felt bad that I haven't posted in awhile because I'm sure everytime someone pulls my blog up to see if I have posted again they see it's still the one about my baby and they feel that twinge of sadness. Then the angry part of me thinks, "They only have to think about it when they see I haven't blogged yet but not me." I think about it the moment I wake up and realize that it wasn't a dream. I think about it when I'm folding the boy's laundry and realize that another little boy won't be needing Kedric's clothes anytime soon if at all. I think about it when I see pregnant women or tiny babies. I think about it when I'm online shopping for the kids clothes and for the past 5 months I've clicked on the newborn boy tab but now I don't need to. I think about it when I'm rocking Kedric to sleep and think in a few months we will just move the rocking chair downstairs instead of our room like I had planned. Same with his crib I guess.
Those moments when all of a sudden it feels like something is squeezing your chest and you have to think about taking deep breathes happen regularly now. It's becoming my "new normal". I'm learning to deal with it. And it is getting better. I imagine those moments won't ever go away. In fact I'm not sure I want them to stop completely. Hopefully they'll just become less frequent. Then once a day or so when I go to "check to see if someone has blogged (Figuratively speaking)" I can feel that twinge of sadness and then continue on my way.
Not to worry though, I finally have some pictures to post and will do so in the next couple of days. That way you can look at pictures instead of hear my random thoughts. :)
3 comments:
Sorry Britt, I can't even begin to understand. :( Hugs!
beautifully put Brit, thanks for being real. Love you.
Love you! Tons and tons. I know our situations were a little different. But I understand that sadness. Love you very much and I'm always always here if you need to talk.
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